Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
