My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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