The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You took a bar mat shot.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize