Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
