I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
