there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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