My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
