Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
