i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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