she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
