If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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