the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
