I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You're breaking my sexual little heart
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
