If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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