I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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