Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
