Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
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She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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