alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
