So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
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so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
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So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My ass is underappreciated
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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