My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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