I hate all girls vehemently.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
