Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
