just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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