I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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