ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
