i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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