I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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