I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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