I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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