some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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