I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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