there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
