This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
