I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
