Its about making memories worth repressing
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Are we still banned from the library?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
