You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
