dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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