If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
