It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
