I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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