Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
