I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
