He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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