Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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