lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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