I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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