Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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