Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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