then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
