He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
