Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
