I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
