if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you never un-have a 4some
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