As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
