drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize