Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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