Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
