the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
