You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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