i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
