Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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