Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
