I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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