his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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