But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
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I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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